guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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