How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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