Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
