for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
