..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
