I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
