No awkward lesbian experiences without me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
