i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Randomize
