That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
