just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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