i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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