Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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