dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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