What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
