if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
