At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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