do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
