I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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