I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
