Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
