I cockslap morals
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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