Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
