it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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