why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
