well I can't set my house on fire every night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
