my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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