As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
