Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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