i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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