i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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