Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
