woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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