Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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