You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I did not marry a roomba.
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