margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
