When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
