were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
