you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
