The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
