apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize