a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
