If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
