I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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