She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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