seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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