Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
