I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
