someone threw a dead crab at me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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