Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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