Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
