he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-