Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.