Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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