Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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