Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
