Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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